You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize