All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
