ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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