just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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