Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my poor anus
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
