Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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