Having a random hookup so left but love u
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
