"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
