Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
whose parrot is this?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
