Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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