drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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