I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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