im about as happy as oj after his trial
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
