After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
