Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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