Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked