I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
sarcasm needs its own font
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'