I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?