I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.