I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.