I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
