I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
