I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
