By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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