I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize