I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
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You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
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I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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