Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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