i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.