ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.