Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.