I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
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You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO