piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever