He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
