Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
