I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
