My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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