I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
