Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
