she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
