Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
