My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
