I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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