I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
