YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
