was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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