I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
