i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
