I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
