In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
