just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
