i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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