my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
