I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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