Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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