Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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