i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
