did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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