My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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