Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
