There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
