I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
