my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
