once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We were destined to go to rehab together
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
