miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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