i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
