it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
