It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
